7(or 8)dp3dt

So, we're sitting on 7(or8)dp our 3 day transfer. Our transfer happened at 2pm on a Monday, but our embie was a little machine and is probably kicking along at a rate of more of an 8 day rate rather than a 7 (or so I want to believe).

Ha, I love my positivity in that first paragraph, I WISH!! Even if embie got off to a good start I am sitting here scared out of my mind that embie no longer exists.

It's funny really. You start the 2ww willing and praying for every single day to go faster so that you can find out if you're pregnant or not, and now that we are getting closer... I just don't want to know.... Throughout the 2ww you can pretend that there is a chance, that you will be pregnant and that your dreams will finally come true... but on Friday that hoping and that pretending ends. I will ultimately know the outcome and I am truly and honestly terrified.

In some ways I would rather live in this seesaw of the unknown because on Friday, I don't know how I am going to handle the day. How can I live through Easter if embie didn't stick? How am I supposed to go on? How can I look people in the eyes and be happy? I can't. If embie didn't stick- I will mourn like I would a death in the family. 

My husband is different, he manages to take everything with a grain of salt, he will be able to go on and celebrate Easter.  Especially because Friday I will POAS (I have to wait until 18dp3dt or Tuesday) for my blood test due to Easter public holidays), he thinks he can hold on to a glimmer of hope that the Preg. test will be wrong. By Friday a Preg test should be very accurate.. I'm not dumb, I'm not naive. I'm just absolutely terrified.